The bacon test

28 Mar

Bacon flavor dog treats smell temptingly like bacon — but they’re not. They have a playdough texture and taste like rancid fat.

How do I know?

Guess.

Cooked bacon on a plate

Real bacon — not simulated.

Last week, I bought Simone a bag of peanut-butter flavored training treats — I like to buy training treats because they’re small, just her size — and enjoyed the sweet peanutty aroma. But I knew better than to taste them.

The makers of these treats know people are not inclined to give their dogs something to eat that smells — or looks — like rancid animal fat. They make “gourmet” canned dog foods that simulate beef stew or chicken pot pie or turkey surprise because that makes it appear palatable to us.

Are we fooled? Ha.

Maybe.

OK, sort of. Not enough to actually eat something made for dogs, but enough to be curious whether it tastes like it looks or smells. Come on. Admit it. Don’t you want to know if your dog’s food is better than yours?

Wonder no more.

Long ago (I had to reach way back into my memory for this), I was curious to see if Simone’s treats were like real bacon, so I  pinched a teensy — miniscule — bite from one and put it on my tongue.

Bleccch.

Ew.

Spit.

Coat tongue with minty fresh toothpaste.

You’re welcome. I do these things so you don’t have to. Which is why I can also tell you that beef stew for dogs — not beef stew. Those chicken sticks? Nope. Not chicken.

Now you’re probably wondering how I know the taste of rancid fat. I don’t. But I bet it tastes exactly the way it smells.

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7 Responses to “The bacon test”

  1. Cici Davidson March 28, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

    O.M.G. That reminds me of another friend (I will not name) who tried to get her kitten to nurse (as in, nurse … at her bosom). I saw it with my own eyes. I don’t know about you animal people.

  2. Marcus McAllister March 28, 2011 at 8:27 pm #

    hahahahaha (and, yes, I too have tasted dog treats–curiosity being one of my greatest virtues!)

    However, old Grover now gets a homemade mix of rice, chicken, green beans and carrots, so I’ll occasionally sneak a few bites (when he’s not looking).

  3. Arkie Mama March 28, 2011 at 9:28 pm #

    I admire your bravery!

  4. Cary March 29, 2011 at 8:17 am #

    I remember when I was a kid a tasted a dog biscuit. I hoped it would taste like a cookie….it didn’t.

    • rhondaowen March 29, 2011 at 9:56 am #

      LOL… My dad once ate a dog biscuit accidentally. The box was on top of the refrigerator so he thought it was cookies and ate one. Later,he told my mom not to buy those cookies anymore because they really didn’t taste good.

  5. Brenda Looper March 30, 2011 at 8:05 pm #

    Ew, and wow — I commend your chutzpah. Thank GOD cat food is even smellier, because I’ve never had the urge to eat any of Luke’s food … I guess that means I won’t fulfill one of the “crazy cat lady” tropes and live off canned cat food. 😉

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